the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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