So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Someone signed my nipple.
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