I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
