i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
