just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
