I wish my penis had an off switch
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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