I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She has the best kind of daddy issues
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
