The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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