Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
