BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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