Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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