Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to have your abortion
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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