I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
