the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
