You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize