drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
