I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why do cheetos always look like penises
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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