never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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