The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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