So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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