Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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