I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
