Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
