Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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