P.S. I can't hear my feet
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
