apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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