My sheets look like a crime scene.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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