You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just invented taco cereal.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
