My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
