I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
