Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
