dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
