I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
