Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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