i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
