His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
