whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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