Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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