Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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