We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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