she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
