Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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