Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
