we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
