I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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