I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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