Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.