I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.