Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.