Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
