I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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