i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.