Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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