I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
