Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!