You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!