you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.