He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
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Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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