oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
