Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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