I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize