How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Boobs speak an international language.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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