3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
