She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
