I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
