Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
