is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
only if we run a train.
done.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
