maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
