She said her name was "party"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
