I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
