If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize