you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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