idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
