Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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