I think I died a long time ago.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
