I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
