when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
